even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
