I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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