One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
