Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
