Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
