It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
