just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
This house was built for laser tag.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
