hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
