I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
