so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I want to be your penis for a week.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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