Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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