Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Randomize
