Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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