dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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