Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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