"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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