If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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