My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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