You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
