Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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