I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
