is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
dude. I can hear the air.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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