so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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