I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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