ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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