Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
