Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
