Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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