I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
