my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
