Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
