I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
