Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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