From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
