it was like his penis was on wheels.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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