My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
