We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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