one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
