Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
