Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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