Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
