you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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