I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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