guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
