I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
