why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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