I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
