Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
