babies were throwing up all over the place
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
