Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
