How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
