If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
