At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
