I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
