Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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