theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
