Kareoke will never be a sober sport
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
